Only in my dreams...

I had my first wedding nightmare this morning. And as mundane as it may sound to be, it wasn’t. It was truly terrifying.

Which says what about me? I dunno. How about if I describe the dream for y’all and we’ll see what you think…

I can’t remember much of it, of course. But I do remember that I was getting ready for the ceremony. It was about noon (ceremony is at 1:30), and I suddenly realized that I didn’t have my hair or makeup done, and I got very confused about how that had happened. I started to freak out a bit (i.e. whine and bitch and moan), and my bridesmaids wanted me to stop it, I’m sure, so they all told me that it would be fine, and one or two of them offered to help with my hair while another one helped with makeup. (Don’t ask me why I couldn’t just do it myself in a situation like that…apparently in my dream, I was the retarded bride from hell.)

So the one friend, my best friend from forever ago named Mandi, asks me what I was planning on doing with my hair. I told her about what I had thought we could do, and showed her sort of what I meant, and then she went to work. Her little sister Liz was there to help, too, for some reason. I think that had to do with the fact that she did Mandi’s hair for her wedding a couple of years back, but I can’t be sure.

All of a sudden, everyone was done, and someone handed me a mirror. I was still feeling beyond anxious without having seen a reflection of myself, but afterward, I REALLY freaked out! My makeup was HORRIBLE. I looked like I’d been aged about 20 years, like they can do in movies sometimes, except my skin seriously looked wrinkled and dried out and nasty. My eyes stood out the most makeup-wise though. Whoever had done the makeup had decided that purple metallic eye shadow was most appropriate for the day, and it caked my eyelids to the point that it wouldn’t rub off at all. (Of course, she had wanted my makeup to be tear-proof! AUGH!) My cheeks had a freaky amount of rouge on them, and my lips were…well, that was the one thing she did right, whoever she was. My lips didn’t stand out at all, now that I think about it. So she had stuck to the golden rule of makeup and had only emphasized my eyes, and not both my eyes AND my lips. Good for her.

But my hair - holy crap! My friend hadn’t done ANYTHING that I’d suggested, and instead had straightened out the curliness of it, and then put a bunch of product in it that made it greasy and dirty looking. And it was blond, for some reason. It looked gross.

It was about then that my alarm went off, and I woke up feeling truly horrified. Jesse came in the room a few minutes later, which surprised me because I didn’t know he wasn’t in bed with me all that time. I asked him if he was ok, and he said he hadn’t been able to sleep, but he was fine. I asked him if I had been making any noise that woke him up…I was worried that I was screaming in my sleep! He said no. So that’s nice…at least I’m able to keep my insane dreams inside my head while I’m having them.

How crappy of a human being am I that I consider a dream about my hair and makeup not being done and then being done improperly to be a frightening nightmare? I told my physical trainer about it this morning when we were working out…I said, “I had my first wedding nightmare this morning.” He said, “Oh yeah? What was it about?” I replied, “Hair and makeup…it was TERRIBLE!” He couldn’t stop laughing for about a minute and a half.

Anyway, I hear that this is how it happens. Brides have nightmares about the actual day of the wedding, and grooms tend to have nightmares about the bride leaving them sometime before the wedding happens.

I don’t want any more dreams like this though. No thank you.